The Power Of Being Alive

My life right now is kind of boring and almost depressing; I don’t really go out with lots of friends and have fun. As a twenty year-old, I am not experiencing the social life of a young adult you watch in the movies and television shows. I’m currently living the social life of that one socially awkward male recluse with the mental health issues who still lives with his parents.

Don’t worry though. All is not lost. With life, there is always hope…

there-is-always-hope

If you’re feeling pain, or living in constant anguish, one of the best things you can do is imagine a world, an earthly paradise or utopia where you have way more control over your life.

Then, use the power of your imagination and your own thoughts and actions to create that magnificent world you so desperately seek.

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I believe that everyone is given a certain, special  amount of time to make a difference or contribution to this amazing world. Blogging is my way of making a difference…

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I also believe that the important thing to remember is that, if one is alive, one is blessed!

If you were born, and you’re able to read this: what more could you ask for?not-a-mistake

So pretty much, one has to continue living life, no matter what ends up happening.

Suicide shouldn’t be seen as an alternative because that would be giving up on everything.

My life may not be the most exciting, but at least, I’m alive and healthy.

(And, I don’t have any life-threatening diseases.

I just had problems dealing with my emotions, but that can easily be solved.)

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Those Emotional Changes

We are living in the 21st century. The year is 2017. This world is ours for the taking!

21st

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Every single human being on earth was born with a special purpose! I believe that no man or woman is a lost-cause. No man or woman deserves to be left behind, left to die, left old and forgotten.

One has to wonder why we come into this world, why we are born, why we exist. For centuries, many Greek philosophers have pondered on this question, this idea of the meaning of life.

Hmm…

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I’m the eldest in the family so it’s only right that I ask myself these types of moralistic life questions. I choose to live a lonely life with spiritual meaning, a life where I get to wonder in awe at how beautiful this world really is.

Sadly, for my miserable, twisted, demented fate, there are certain individuals who have laughed at me and teased me for believing in such crazy, stupid things, for having the creativity and the mindset of a child; a man-child that is.

Hate me or love me: this is how God Almighty made me.

(Maybe this is the bipolar disorder talking, but:) sometimes I hate living in the Pacific Northwest. I hate the people here. I hate the mediocre public schools. I hate everything. No one seems to understand me and my way of thinking.

I’m an emotional person, and I feel way too much. The emotional pain is aggravating, aggravating I say!

What’s worse is I that I used to feel like I’m really ugly when I’m not. I get really depressed, and then I throw embarrassing tantrums like a psychotic child.

bipolar-child

My parents have learned to put up with me. The same goes for friends, if I still have any… They’re loving, compassionate people. They realize that it’s taking longer than usual for me to fly out of the nest.

I have even contemplated suicide in the past…

Being a teenager was a difficult chapter in my life…

Hormones can do wonders for people…

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Thar’s my life story, I guess. As a wise man once said: All things are balancing and re-balancing into a state of perfect harmony…

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How Are You Special?

I am the first-born. I have two younger brothers. What makes us different, what makes us special, is the fact that my brothers and I are the only U.S. citizens to carry the Navarro surname from Mexico to the United States. Sometimes I feel like the Navarro Family living in Mexico doesn’t even know we exist, or at least, it’s easy to forget about us since we live so far away.

(Sigh)

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Most Hispanics have other family members that they can relate and socialize with. We don’t. We’re all alone besides a handful of cousins on my mom’s side of the family.

(And, we also have a few cousins on my dad’s side; however, they live a couple of states of away. So, they’re pretty much out of the picture.)

Why destiny? Why did you do this to me and my brothers?

destiny

It’s sad: it really is. I watch, enviously, as other people socialize merrily with their friends and family. They laugh. They cry. They talk about their road trips. They talk about their adventures.

I’m a first-generation american, yes. But, every now and then, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had been born in Mexico.

What’s the point of being a U.S. citizen when you’re isolated from your foreign relatives?

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It could just be that my mind is playing tricks on me again. It could just be that all of this is concocted in my mind. Maybe I am crazy.

That’s life I guess…

In the end, only God Almighty knows why we incarnate into this world.

I believe that you must have faith in the purpose of your existence, have faith that you will, eventually, be happy with the legacy you leave behind.

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One Life To Live & Enjoy

One has to accept everything for what it is: only then will you be truly happy.

Winters can be emotionally aggravating for me. My emotions can become tumultuous. I feel dog-tired, and in general, everything is, out of balance.

As the Hopi once said:

koyaanisqatsi

However, I accept things for how they are. I may feel more broody and lonely this January of 2017, but at least I get to reflect on how happy I was last summer of 2016.

God works in mysterious ways. I have no idea why I feel or think the way I do.

Maybe there is something wrong with my brain chemistry. Maybe. Maybe, I’m part of a mutant minority; a freak of nature.

Perhaps, a mental illness was the only way I could become a man.

More like man-child:

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Anyways, we only live once, and you have to make the most of what you have.

God has not forsaken you, no matter how tragic things may seem.

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That Beautiful Kind Of Sadness

Everyone has their own unique way of viewing the world.

If you could see the world through my eyes, you sometimes would see blotches of melancholy. 

Melancholy is one my favorite words in the English dictionary.

Melancholy is a different species of sadness: it’s a type of sadness that I know so very well. 

Melancholy is what you feel when you’re out of place, when you feel helpless, hopeless, when you don’t know why you’re feeling sad.

Sometimes, friends and family see me angry, serious, depressed, lonely. Other times, they see me laughing, gregarious, open-minded, carefree.

In the western world, bipolar disorder is classified as a mental illness. 

In the eastern world, bipolar disorder is a connection to the spirit world. 

Whatever it is you believe in, try to understand that your neighbor or friend, or even teacher could feel melancholy.

Emotions are not for the weak: they are for the human. 

No Shame

To be honest, I used to be very envious of the couples I saw in high school because they looked so satisfied and content in their relationships.

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I haven’t yet experienced a long-term relationship. Bear with me now…

I would watch them hold hands and talk lovingly with each other.

It made me feel sick to my stomach; it really did.

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For some reason, I so desperately wanted to be in a relationship with someone at 17.

In my 17-year old insecure mind, girls gave me off-putting stares because they thought I was creepy and fat.

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Fortunately things turned around for me. Three years later, my point of view has changed.

Now, I believe that High School is filled with a bunch of hormonal teenagers.

It wasn’t my fault for thinking the way I did. I wasn’t entirely in control of my emotions at 17.

But now I am proud to say that I am a man, a grown man.

And, no man or woman has the right to shame for what you look like.

And you shouldn’t be ashamed of the person you are, inside and out.

God made you in his image.

No one else can make you feel as happy as you can.

And no one can take that happiness away from you!

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Be Proud Of Who You Are

I am starting to really love the man I am becoming…

I used to be a bit of a loner. 

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When I was in elementary school, I didn’t really socialize with the other kids.

I was just kind of wandering around the playground doing my own thing.

I was a wallflower from kindergarten all the way up to the twelfth grade…

Now, I believe that how you live your life as a child will have a big effect on how you live your life as an adult.

And, I also believe that adults are nothing more than over-grown children.

To make matters clear, my childhood was still great, even if I didn’t have tons of friends in school.

But, if I ever have children, I am definitely not going to enroll them in a public school.

I do not want my future children to go through any sort of emotional or psychological pain/trauma that may occur from attending a public school.

I felt out-of-place whilst attending high school. I think some guys and girls just aren’t cut out for a public school.

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Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit.  

Maybe being a bit of a loner was my destiny.

All I know is: you have to learn to accept your past and acknowledge the current inner world you’re living in.

My lonely past circumstances set the foundation for who I am today.

I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s ever.

I know this sounds cheesy and banal, but everyone does have their very own place in this

world.

You’re never truly alone.

It just feels that way sometimes.

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