I Did It My Way

Every Sunday morning, I go on a short walk to help clear my mind.

While I was walking past all of the houses in my neighborhood, I came across a sign with Frank Sinatra that read, “I did it my way”.

I don’t know much about Sinatra.

I just know that he made good music.

I did some research, and it turns out that Sinatra may have been a manic-depressive.

He made various suicide attempts, and he had lots of trouble staying in a committed relationship.

It also turns out that Sinatra was a heavy drinker, and he would frequently mix his alcohol with sleeping pills.

After learning about Sinatra’s issues with bipolar depression, I feel more content with my life the way it is, and the way it’s unfolding.

In life, everyone deals with some hurdle/obstacle.

Everyone wishes to change the world and make things better for everyone.

But, at the end of the day, all you can do is fix yourself and make you better.

That creates a ripple effect.

And, yes, I did it my way.

How Are You Special?

I am the first-born. I have two younger brothers. What makes us different, what makes us special, is the fact that my brothers and I are the only U.S. citizens to carry the Navarro surname from Mexico to the United States. Sometimes I feel like the Navarro Family living in Mexico doesn’t even know we exist, or at least, it’s easy to forget about us since we live so far away.

(Sigh)

Most Hispanics have other family members that they can relate and socialize with. We don’t. We’re all alone besides a handful of cousins on my mom’s side of the family.

(And, we also have a few cousins on my dad’s side; however, they live a couple of states of away. So, they’re pretty much out of the picture.)

Why destiny? Why did you do this to me and my brothers?

It’s sad: it really is. I watch, enviously, as other people socialize merrily with their friends and family. They laugh. They cry. They talk about their road trips. They talk about their adventures.

I’m a first-generation american, yes. But, every now and then, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had been born in Mexico.

What’s the point of being a U.S. citizen when you’re isolated from your foreign relatives?

It could just be that my mind is playing tricks on me again. It could just be that all of this is concocted in my mind. Maybe I am crazy.

That’s life I guess…

In the end, only God Almighty knows why we incarnate into this world.

I believe that you must have faith in the purpose of your existence, have faith that you will, eventually, be happy with the legacy you leave behind.

One Life To Live & Enjoy

One has to accept everything for what it is: only then will you be truly happy.

Winters can be emotionally aggravating for me. My emotions can become tumultuous. I feel dog-tired, and in general, everything is, out of balance.

As the Hopi once said:

However, I accept things for how they are. I may feel more broody and lonely this January of 2017, but at least I get to reflect on how happy I was last summer of 2016.

God works in mysterious ways. I have no idea why I feel or think the way I do.

Maybe there is something wrong with my brain chemistry. Maybe. Maybe, I’m part of a mutant minority; a freak of nature.

Perhaps, a mental illness was the only way I could become a man.

More like man-child:

Anyways, we only live once, and you have to make the most of what you have.

God has not forsaken you, no matter how tragic things may seem.

 

 

 

Be Proud Of Who You Are

I am starting to really love the man I am becoming…

I used to be a bit of a loner. 

When I was in elementary school, I didn’t really socialize with the other kids.

I was just kind of wandering around the playground doing my own thing.

I was a wallflower from kindergarten all the way up to the twelfth grade…

Now, I believe that how you live your life as a child will have a big effect on how you live your life as an adult.

And, I also believe that adults are nothing more than over-grown children.

To make matters clear, my childhood was still great, even if I didn’t have tons of friends in school.

But, if I ever have children, I am definitely not going to enroll them in a public school.

I do not want my future children to go through any sort of emotional or psychological pain/trauma that may occur from attending a public school.

I felt out-of-place whilst attending high school. I think some guys and girls just aren’t cut out for a public school.

Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit.  

Maybe being a bit of a loner was my destiny.

All I know is: you have to learn to accept your past and acknowledge the current inner world you’re living in.

My lonely past circumstances set the foundation for who I am today.

I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s ever.

I know this sounds cheesy and banal, but everyone does have their very own place in this

world.

You’re never truly alone.

It just feels that way sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Don’t Regret Dropping Out Of High School

It’s that time of year again… What I’m about to share is kind of personal… but I’m going to share it anyways because I really want my brothers and anyone else to know that I do care about a high school education. I don’t hate high school; I just had a few unfortunate mental health predicaments.

So, I failed to graduate from high school back in 2014. But in my honest opinion, I do not regret my decision to leave school. High school is not for everyone. There are plenty of options out there. I am the oldest of three guys. My two younger brothers used to look up to me as a smart, responsible “role model”. Brother Thomas, the middle child, is graduating this year in 2016. Sometimes, I do feel slightly guilty, and I feel like I had something to do with his many absences during his senior year.

Hahaha, I’m just kidding. Damn, that was a whole bunch of b.s. Listen, I proved my point, and I want everyone to realize that the K-12 education system is flawed. I empathize for the troubled teen who struggles to thrive in his high school environment. You know what’s great about being a teenager? Those experiences are temporary. And there also good for you. Yes, you will be awkward, and if you’re a sensitive, “nice” guy, girls might come off as mean. (But they’re not all mean. I’m sorry women. I apologize for my misogynistic behavior at eighteen. It was all in my head).

Now, the good thing for me is that I turn twenty in July. I cannot explain how grateful I am to finally transcend into adulthood. Fuck being a teenager. Pardon my language, but I hated the fact that I had little to no control as a teen. Fuck yeah. I’m gonna be a man. My Dad is finally going to let me drive all by myself.

Now, there’s probably someone out there who would disagree with my logic. I understand. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self to have more patience. Life is difficult at times. We all struggle. However, there is meaning in your pain. When you feel pain, it is your mind’s way of saying, “Hello, there’s something wrong. Don’t be shy. Fix the issue dude,” Resistance is what stops most of us from finding a solution to our frustration. We succumb to the fear. We let our worries take over. Everyday is a battle against resistance. Stay strong. Learn to find meaning in failure and frustration.